31 Days of Halloween Music. Day Two: The Numb Stalker.

There’s a good chance that, at some point this month, you, having grown tired of smashing your neighbors’ pumpkins, will find yourself consumed with an eerie wanderlust and a strong desire to smash the pumpkins of complete strangers. At this point, you will make plans to depart depart upon a spooky road trip.

It might be drive down New Jersey’s highly overrated Clinton Road, or Buck’s County’s genuinely creepy Crossart Road, or the elusive search for each of the Seven Gates of Hell (I’ve only ever managed to rack up a trip to the one in Downingtown, PA). For those of us, here in Stocksbridge, a quick jaunt down the A616 will do the trick.

And while you won’t encounter any ghosts (for the same reason you won’t encounter any leprechauns), you are very likely to encounter something far more frightening in the form of drunken teenagers, meth-fueled rednecks, dickheaded ghost hunters, or a combination of all three.

I can’t talk you out of your creepy road trip, but I can give you some advice: take along some appropriately creepy music. And by “appropriately creepy music”, I mean all seven minutes and eleven seconds of Numb’s “Stalker”.

This is some of the straight-up spookiest music you could possible hope to fill your ears with while cruising down a dark country road.After all, the gawddamn song is called STALKER, for Christ’s sake! And it’ll be the perfect score to your inevitable dismemberment by a coven of toothless Norwegian Black Metal enthusiasts who are pitching a “paranormal encounters” show to the Travel Channel.

Have fun and it was nice knowing you.